Ode to Victor Pascow

Victor Pascow. Helpful Victor Pascow.

He is the kind of Zombie Ghost we must all aspire to be one day. There are many aspects of this Zombie Ghost that have completely altered my plans for my own afterlife.

When I saw ‘Pet Sematary’ for the very first time, I immediately found the most enchanting character to be the poor fellow hit by a truck at the very beginning of the film. His brain is hanging out and exposed for the rest of the movie, and one of his eyes is milky and glazed over, but that’s only part of his charm.

Pascow decided that, after his head was maimed by a truck, he was going to become the most convenient ghost in the entire world simply because the hero of the story did his best to save him after his accident. Although all of his ghostly efforts end up being a complete waste, you can’t say he doesn’t try. He attempts to convince our wayward emotional protagonist not to bury things at the ancient Indian burial ground (because people need reminding sometimes), and even goes as far as to lead him right to the edge of where he should not tread. Then in true, classy ghost fashion, he de-materializes.

As you can imagine, his words go unheard. I would personally listen to the Zombie Ghost that interrupted my sleep. I’d hear what they had to say above all others, especially if they were being nice about it! You can never say for sure when those Zombie Ghosts are going to embrace their zombie side over the ghost. I’d do what he says. Don’t want him getting bitey.

Fortunately, the producers realized that no one wants to see the horror film that ends after 10 minutes, failing to properly deliver the titular pets or ‘sematary’.

So, Pascow make a decision to invade the dreams of our hero’s daughter, pretty much telling her step-by-step everything that’s going to happen to her father and her family. At this point, after having been so blunt with the hero (Louis) already, he’s honestly going out of his way. We’re not even halfway through the film, and this ghost is trying his damnedest to make these people survive the evil that surrounds them. Unfortunately, all he succeeds in doing is giving a little girl nightmares. Womp womp.

Well, thanks anyway, Victor Pascow. You did everything you cou-… Wait. You’re not done trying to save these people? Far from it. Pascow is just getting started. You can’t get this kind of service from Zombie Ghosts anymore.

While Louis is attempting to resurrect something he really shouldn’t at the ancient Indian burial ground (like ya do), Pascow hops a redeye to Chicago to talk to Louis’ wife, Rachael–Someone that can’t really see or hear him. Now that’s dedication. I would have just crossed over.

He is eventually able to connect with her in such a way that she hastily boards a plane to go back to Maine. A plane that she nearly misses, except Pascow HOLDS THE DOOR for her so she can board.

Apparently, chivalry is indeed dead, and it’s name is Pascow.

Pascow also seems to have somehow bought a ticket, as he is occupying an empty seat across the aisle, looking happy as can be that he’s on a plane ride, while Rachael is busy having night terrors.

Once she lands, Rachael rushes to rent a car. She’s in a big hurry due to Pascow infecting her waking subconscious with urgency and panic attacks (nothing else has worked), but the horrid looking lady at the counter informs her that there aren’t any cars available.

Pascow don’t play that fucking game.

He employs a technique he borrowed from the Jedi to “remind” the awful, awful woman that there is indeed a car available:

HERTZ CLERK: I’m sorry…it’s been very busy tonight. I really don’t have anything.

PASCOW (a fucking ghost): What about the Aries K with the scratch on the side?

(The clerk gets the look on her face of someone that just got straight-up mindtricked)

CLERK: I do have an Aries K, but it came in sort of beat up–there’s a long scrape up one side–

RACHEL: I’ll take it.

Whoa. Seriously? He can do things like that? He can secure reservations and snag you a rental car?
 
Let’s examine the possibilities or having such a spirit haunt your family. He can Tivo stuff for you if you forget to do it yourself, protect you from ancient evil magic, hold a plane until you get to the gate, secure you a rental car, and he could probably help you pull off an impromptu dinner party for 10-12 people if you gave him enough notice. He’s also insanely pleasant the entire time! Aside from the fact his brain is hanging out all over the place, he’d be quite a catch for some lucky lady (or man… We don’t know how Pascow loves, we just know he loves deeply).
 
After Rachael crashes her rental car (it happens), She gets a ride from a trucker. When she exits the cab, we see Pascow sitting where she had been. I can only assume he was in there the whole time making sure the driver didn’t try to get fresh with her. He then let’s her know (she can’t hear him, but I think on some level she’s picking up what he’s putting down) that he doesn’t think it’s going to be okay in the end. He has every right to assume this. I would assume the same thing if all 37 of my very clear warnings were completely ignored. He also lets her know that it’s the end of the line for him. Good. He’s earned a rest. He then goes up to heaven…
 
SIKE! No he fucking does not! He comes out of spectral retirement for one last ride, desperately trying to warn Louis once again about burying dead shit in the EVIL BURIAL GROUND. A warning which, of course, is also completely ignored.
 
Fortunately, it really doesn’t seem to bother Victor that much. He seems satisfied knowing that he gave it 110%. With these people, you have to be able to take whatever little victories you can gather. I mean, he got Rachael a rental car when there were none available. That’s nothing the sneeze at.
 
The moral of this story is this: So many ghosts these days are childish, tantrum throwing do-nothings who just sit around the house all day with little to no motivation to do anything except piss people off. It takes a special kind of ghost to take an interest in the lives of those around him and try to do some good for someone that tried to do good for him. That’s a spirit with character.
 
He may not have been successful at what he was trying to do, but I think we can all agree that he went above and beyond. I would feel honored to have a ghost such as him warning me about stuff.
 
So when you think about friendly ghosts, think about this: When was the last time Casper secured you a modest, slightly damaged rental car?